I wake up in the middle of the night
I still see the shadows
Feel the sun burning me alive
The smoke rising from the barrel
The smell of rounds down range
So familiar of a smell that I can taste it
I look around in bed and realize where I am
Am I broke or distributed for wishing I was back there
Instead of this warm bed with my wife and kids
I don’t move as not to break the silence of the night
I sit quietly in the dark
Sweating as if I were still deployed in the dessert
The beads of sweat mixed with tears as they run down my cheek
Feeling guilty
Feeling worst for remembering what human flesh smells like burning
My checks remember the sandstorms hitting my face
Trying to breathe through a gas mask
I sit in the darkness hoping to fall asleep
Feeling alone and scared
Wishing I had my weapon next to me
This is the place I find myself
Wonder if my brothers are going through this
Or am I in this alone
Day #262 SJD © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.