Why I Stopped

I know why I started now
But remembered that I once stopped
Ages ago when I was a kid
All I did was write
Some of that shit was good
Most of it was trash
I think I even wrote a rap
Thinking back I stopped but why
Fear of rejection
Putting yourself out there
Only to be slapped around
I put the pen down
Boxed up all of my papers
Even the scraps with writings
Locked them away
The feelings were still there
I forced myself to stop writing
Stopped that which I used calm my restlessness
I was forced to restrain it
Swallow it and not say shit
I grew up slowly
Left home to see the world
And even saw war
Came back a troubled man
With dark secrets
And even darker ghosts
I wasn’t left with much
I started to write
This time I didn’t care if anyone read it
Didn’t care if they critiqued it
I didn’t want to part with my outlet again
Didn’t want to force myself to be quiet
Needed a voice to tell my ghosts to shut the fuck up
I didn’t fear showing my work
I feared feeding my ghosts through my silence
I will starve them
And feed my soul through my writing

Day #216 SJD
Copyright © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

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