September 2021 – Segundo Juan Devora

In Letting Go

Better are those who let go

No need to forgive

Just let go

Don’t live trying to find ways to fix what’s already past

Let go before it’s to late

No amount of thinking will change what time has etched in stone

Let go for your sake

Don’t worry who’s fault it really was

The universe does not care for that

To the universe it happened and that’s that

Let go or your present will suffer

And your future will be anchored to the past

Dragging it along to where ever life takes it

Let go and embrace this moment

Let the wind take those failed regrets

You move forward without the burden

Let go for everyone’s sake

Set yourself free for tomorrow

And there you will find peace

Day #380 SJD © 2021 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved
Noisy Sleep

I crave noise to sleep

Any noise like the caw of a crow

It pierces the silences of the day

Always there in the background

Reminding me that I am not alone

The dead silence haunts me like a ghost

It whispers an unsettling sound of emptiness

I can’t see it but I know it’s there

I need the silence broken

The TV, or music

Better yet the sound of rain

How I pray for rain

Only things that provide comfort

It relieves the uneasy feeling of being alone with no distractions

The empty noise fades into the background

At peace finally

Can sleep now

Only to be awoken in the middle of the night

The TV is off or the music has stopped

The app asking if I’m listening

The rains have left

The white noise has returned

The raven of my madness

I’ll sleep nevermore

Let me sleep!

Why won’t you just let me sleep!

Day #379 SJD © 2021 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved
Leaving The City

Ever hear the silence in moments of chaos

Horn blaring, intense crowds and the sounds of a bustling city

Yet to you it’s quiet as can be

You can year your heartbeat so clearly

That which doesn’t matter, is muffled

I stop in the middle of a crowd

Look around at all the faces

Not a single smile

All worry, stress and misery

I can feel it poisoning me

The intoxicating smell of failure and regret

A scent must cities have, yet must people can’t tell

These people who are drowning in it

The rushing traffic turns to roaring rapids

I push my way through to the edge of the crowd

What’s left to do but to get away

Away from here so that it doesn’t pull me back in

Leave this city

Walk away from the crowds and lifestyle

Find peace of mind over fun times

Get away from the insane thoughts of a mind that can’t sleep

A new places to call home

I want to find that peaceful place that the crowds laugh at

But deep down it’s where they want to be

Only if the chains of this city weren’t so strong

One day they will break away

For now it’s just a routine

Day #378 SJD © 2021 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.
What I Remember

I can’t help but remember it

The last fight, our last moment

Could’ve never imagined it

The day was so hopeful

I wanted to go to the movies

Life had other plans

I can’t remember anything before that

I don’t even remember what the question was

But I do remember your response to it

“is that what you really think?,”

Showing my foolish youth,

Trying to front

I smiled and said “Yeah, why not?”

So tough of me, that’s what I remember thinking the most

It was late in afternoon when I got to your room

And it was really dark outside when I left

I learned then, there are times when some things should never be said

Not out of fear

But you never want to hurt someone you love

Or cut them deeper than their soul can take

I thought in my immaturity that I can fix this

Let you vent, give you space and all would be fine

I would text you tomorrow and see if it was safe

Then you texted me first

I was so cocky to think we were good

Then the ground shattering message

You left my stuff outside your door

Please come get them or they’re being thrown out

That’s when it hit me

I couldn’t fix this and I cried

Nothing I could do this time

I destroyed the spirit of this relationship

Had forced you to change

I would only see you a few times in passing

Then never again

That hurt never left

Proof I was a foolish youth at one time

And all these years since

Still sorry for that pain

I will be sorry till my last days

Day #377 SJD © 2021 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.
Getting Better

We weather things differently

Two different lenses that we look through

Always on different pages

Often mis stepping on each other

We’re even wrong when it doesn’t matter

Being perfect was never for us

We knew this would take work

And trust me

As we get better

So will our home

It’s still under construction

We are working on our foundation

At different paces

But together

We will get there

Day #376 SJD © 2021 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.
Stuck

I want to say so many things

At the same time I feel that I should stay quiet

One minute I want change

Be better, be greater

And the next

I want none of that

Do I change or stay the same

Move forward or stay still

Be comfortable and settle

Or step out of my comfort zone

Feeling like a character out of a Saturday morning cartoon

Which way do I go?

Maybe its fear that has me stuck

I’m too scared of the unknown

Or to much of a coward to let go of the past

One thing’s for certain

Not happy where I’m standing

Day #375 SJD © 2021 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.
For Me

I’m going to hide

Turn off my phone

Close the screen

I grab his leash

Into the woods

The absence of my phone begins to fade

The further away I get, the less I care who’s calling

I’m in the now

Before I would worry and run home

Now I can careless

The messages will still be there when I get back

And if not, oh well

I wish I was more like my dog

All he cares for is our adventures

He is trotting along so freely

Such a simple life

I finally get the saying

A dog’s life for me…

Day #374 SJD © 2021 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.
I surrender

Before we even start, we fear how it might end

We tend to cast more problems that paralyze our actions

We trigger all the self destructive traps

All which we have set for ourselves

We look back and ask is it too late to turn around

All because it’s getting uncomfortable

The doubt starts to flood us

Why are we even doing this?

We see failure on the horizon

And quickly we surrender without seeing it through

We scare ourselves into submission

Long before we’ve even tried

Panicked and alone

We have let our doubt win again

We have fed the wrong wolf

The sun sets and the darkness rises with a depression

It consumes us and feeds on our fears

Until all that we are is a dark depression of doubt

A former shadow of our hopes

We’ve left the battlefield

Without having fired a single shot

Never knowing what could’ve been had we stayed and fought.

Day #373 SJD © 2021 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.