Segundo Juan Devora

I was always meant to fail

Never expected to succeed

A flawed process

Engineered to work that way

With the purpose of having me questions myself

Creating doubt about my convictions

Putting all that you have learned into question

It should have worked

I did everything right, and it still failed

What am I doing wrong?

A cruel joke to play on anyone

A useless feeling to invest so much into something

It crushes the spirit

Then like nothing they swoop in

Try again, studying harder, take more class, get another degree, get more in debt

That’s the answer

Just sink more into the rabbit hole

You can’t win if your are a pawn

Only players make moves

Everyone else gets moved around

Step off the board

No longer move in a limited direction

Day #224 SJD © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

For no reason do we fight
We argue off false facts
Driven by clickbate headlines
Whispers turn into hollow roars
With no truth behind the aggression
All opinions of fools who believe they know best
Their personal lives a complete mess
Yet they alone should be listened too
Even sheep know better than that
How low are those who still listen
What’s lower than sheep
Apparently we are
No desire to look for truth
Rather regurgitate the same shit already said
We have engery to get enraged
Raise our fist and complain
That engery bettered served in search of facts
All too often we are played
Both sides of the coin want the most clicks
Regardless of the cost to society
At each other’s throats
Being mislead to hate
Steered far from a common ground of understanding
Fogged by a confussion of what’s fact and lies
To often do we fight about the same thing
Instead of understanding what’s really the problem
Lead astray by clickbate
We walk to the edge
Willingly to take the plunge

Day #223 SJD © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

Don’t stress what will pass
Everything ends at some point
Even the Gods were replaced by one
A star in the sky shines, though its already extinguished
The sun might be setting here
But it has already set somewhere else
Time is a constraint placed on us by ourselves
Something tangible to hold and track
Yet the universe does not value time
It has no need for it
It’s free
For us, time has chained us to this false narrative that it matters
I say this not to elevate to a higher concsiousness of thinking
Rather to enforce the idea that things pass
Nothing last forever
Because time doesn’t exist
Don’t let problems occupy your peace of mind
Let time have them
You enjoy the freedom
When the constrant of time doesn’t exist
Then you will have time for everything

Day #222 SJD © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

No feeling like that of getting some rest 

Physical endurance tested

Strained to a painful point

Weary mind beaten from overthinking

In need of a shower, my bed and a drink

In no particular order

All this mentioned

A satisfaction exist

The satisfaction that you can still put in a days work

You can still provide

No greater feeling than still having a purpose

I’m not just waiting for death to come take me

When she comes, she will have to wait until I’m with the days work

Now I take in the air and world around me

I rest

To do it all again the next day

Day #221 SJD © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

Distracted by noise
Everyone’s opinion about me
It digs in and bites down
Leaving it’s mark on my mind
Scars that I can’t shake
A constant reminder of my shortcomings
Failures that I’m forced to re-examine
Had me doubting my process and myself
Accusing myself of not being good enough
All because others have made their minds up about me
Aww my youth was so naive
To believe that I cared what others thought
The trolls that people are
Mad because I was trying
Now those scars dust off
Not given a second thought
Their voices have become noise
I drown it out with music
Fuck that noise

Day #220 SJD © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

The man stood leaning

Hands in pockets to keep warm

Cigarette in his mouth

He smoked his cigarette without using his hands

Impressive by any standard

Stood far away from the crowd

To not bother them with his smoke

The bus came and everyone got on but him

Once his cigarette finished, he would put it out

He would pull out another

Lit it and put his hands back in his pocket

His jacket a thick weathered dark brown leather with a wool collar

The collar was popped up

It looked warm enough to deal with the cold

Worn pair of jeans and tested boots on his feet.

His face was as weathered as his jacket

Lines of experience and trouble ran along his face

This was a man who spent most of his life outside

He stood leaning and smoking

Waiting and waiting

For what I’ll never know

His life a mystery to me

I bet he had a few good stories to tell

Maybe over a drink he’d open up and tell his life’s journey

I turn as the bus pulls away, looking at the mystery man

Until him becomes as small as an ant

Standing there, smoking and waiting

For what I’ll never know

Day #219 SJD
Copyright © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

 

Never thought of it
Gave it no time
Worried about other priorities
Lost in work
Accomplishing everything others needed me too
Forgetting the whole time I had my own things I wanted to do
Still I press forward for the sake of doing good for others
And making excuses, forsaking myself
Too tired
Not ready
Needs more work
Excuses never prevail
At this pace neither will I
Wanted to prove reliable to everyone else
Never reliable to myself
Why give so much to others
I’ve lost time
I lost a part of myself
The stranger who looks back in the mirror
I don’t recognize that guy
Looks like a man of empty promises
That has never kept his word to himself
Alone late one night
Very little friends
Eating late-night Chinese food
Stuffed like all hell
Still feeling empty
Only thing left to eat, a fortune cookie
That reads “organize your life around your dreams — and watch them come true.”
I never even got to eat the cookie
I walked away with my future in hand
No time to stop and talk
Dismissing all others
I have to built myself a dream
That requires my time
Undivided with anyone else
Day #218 SJD
Copyright © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

I think better on my feet
Helps me rise to the occasion
The blood flows up to push the stupid down
Clear headed and recharged
My mind thinks through my dilemas
Interesting how hard the mind works
I like to pace too
Back and forth I walk
My mind talking to itself
Bouncing ideas back an forth
A volley of thoughts from two geniuses sharing the same space
So in depth and detailed are the thoughts
The ideas just flow, while I watch my mind work
Suddenly my thoughts wonders off to the subconscious
I let the conscious mind work
Can still hear them debating
While I slip away
Unknown to me what my body is doing
I’m floating carefree
Nothing can stop me as I daydream
Something is off everything looks slanted
BAM!
Pulled back to reality
Find myself on the ground
That’s what I get for not paying attention
My mind to busy with itself debating ideas
It didn’t play attention to the chair
In pain and mad, things only gets worst
I’ve forgotten what I’ve was thinking about
Not sure if my mind had figured out the problem
Maybe this time I will just stand
And if I need to move
I’ll just sway back and forth
My knee still hurts

Day #217 SJD
Copyright © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

I know why I started now
But remembered that I once stopped
Ages ago when I was a kid
All I did was write
Some of that shit was good
Most of it was trash
I think I even wrote a rap
Thinking back I stopped but why
Fear of rejection
Putting yourself out there
Only to be slapped around
I put the pen down
Boxed up all of my papers
Even the scraps with writings
Locked them away
The feelings were still there
I forced myself to stop writing
Stopped that which I used calm my restlessness
I was forced to restrain it
Swallow it and not say shit
I grew up slowly
Left home to see the world
And even saw war
Came back a troubled man
With dark secrets
And even darker ghosts
I wasn’t left with much
I started to write
This time I didn’t care if anyone read it
Didn’t care if they critiqued it
I didn’t want to part with my outlet again
Didn’t want to force myself to be quiet
Needed a voice to tell my ghosts to shut the fuck up
I didn’t fear showing my work
I feared feeding my ghosts through my silence
I will starve them
And feed my soul through my writing

Day #216 SJD
Copyright © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.

I’ve been called weird

Looked at with despicable eyes

Scrunched faces at the sight of me

Discouraging words yelled at me

Beaten at every step

Doubt always filled my thoughts

Second guessed my decisions

Uncertain if what was said is true

Never felt that I belonged to this tribe

I don’t believe in their God

I preferred my own Gods

Learned to question everything

Didn’t take what I was told as truth

Today the words are worst

Looks even nastier

People are even worse

Only difference now

I don’t care what they say

What happens to them

Or what they believe

Fuck the free world

If they only knew, they weren’t truly free

Day #215 SJD
Copyright © 2019 Segundo Juan Devora. All Rights Reserved.